It’s amazing how quickly the tides can change on the waters of life. One minute you could be resting quietly on a cozy raft upon gentile water, feeling the warm sun and a cool breeze on your body. If you are lucky, there may be someone special with you on this raft; caressing one another as you float along. However, within minutes your moment of peace can be whipped clean as an unexpected change in tide and/or weather can reveal disaster, maybe even certain death. For me, the change in tide is a constant thing. For me, there seems to be more rough waters in my life and as a result I have very little faith in peace. In some cases I’m tired of it all; fighting to keep myself a float.
Last week I found a writing of mine that I had stored on a computer disc. I remember it well because I wrote it a little over a year ago. It was in the form of a journal entry. I created it with the notion that I may soon start an online journal such as this. Obviously, I never got around to doing it. The writing was amazingly calm and sweet. I was referring to a high point in my life. At that time, I had put myself through college and graduated a couple of months ago. In addition to my prideful achievement, I had just got my own apartment, landed a job in my field of study, had a great roommate, met someone with whom I thought would be a love interest and joined a local rock band as the lead singer. I wrote that “this may very well be the highest point of my life.” This lasted through most of the year but was ripped away so easily and quickly. The tide had changed and whipped everything clean. Well…not everything. I actually held on to few things, I’m still the lead singer in kick ass rock band.
So you might say I’m recovering from another great fall. Yes another… You see, it’s been a crazy rollercoaster of a life. My experiences and friends I’ve made are the best things in my life. However, I would gladly change the situations. It’s incomprehensible. I’ve stayed up many nights pondering why I end up in some of the most fucked up situations. Believe me; it’s nice to look back at find clues leading up to the events. The frustration is when you see no reason for things to happen the way they do. In fact, the frustration can turn into anger when you’ve done everything right and all should have lead to positive results. I can accept that I have a 50/50 chance of things going wrong; but, when everything seems to lead to shit you begin to wonder. Well as my bass player says, “Sometimes shit just happens.”
I survive my falls mostly because of the generosity of my friends. They are always there for me. I owe them everything. If anything, I have been truly blessed with the greatest friends in the world. They are more then a lifesaver; they are my life. Without them I don’t think I’d be alive today.
