In my youth, I remember my mother telling me she didn’t really have close friends anymore. There were only a small number of people my mother would spend time with outside of the family. She did have one friend, Lydia, with whom she trusted and would spend time with. As the years moved on, the time they spent together decreased. Once my mother divorced my father, she spent little time with anyone outside of the family. It was a sad thing to me because my friends meant the world to me.
I’m reminded of this because of a conversation I had with my dear Panky. Ever since he has moved out to Maryland, he has noticed a change with his friends. The number of friends has become smaller and the ones that do remain have very little interaction with him. Is this the mark of time and age? I ask because I have noticed the same with me years ago. My guitarist in the band mentioned this same thing briefly in a conversion. Why? I do ask because it’s really a painful thing for all. I look back at my previous days with my old friends and I begin to weep. We were inseparable. The level of loyalty and honor between us is unmatched with today’s world. My time in the US Marine Corps could not even compare. I would have given my life for my friends. To this day if my oldest friend, Rick, called on me and needed my help I would not think twice.
So tell me, why the change? What is going on? Is it age? Is it the sign of the times? I’ve been told a few reasons, or excuses, before that I really don’t believe. My favorite excuse is “I got married.” Look, if you got married to someone who has an issue with you living your life the way you want, you should not have gotten married to that person in the first place. Fuck you and your lame excuse. That goes for those who have been dating someone exclusively too. Major Fuck You for that excuse!!! Ok, if you have kids, I can understand your time being limited. However, you need to let them go once in a while to enjoy life. You are no good to anyone if you are not good to yourself. Also, distance is understandable to a certain extent. No, living in DC does not count. Leave the fucking city once in a while you fucking lazy ass! Look, I have friends in Australia (that’s the other side of the world) with whom I set up time to see during our travels. There really is no excuse for distance.
With the passing of time, we do tend to drift away from our loved ones and our closest friends. For me, it really hurts because it was my friends that help me through life. I suppose I feel some abandonment because of the growing distance or complete separation. The one thing that has really devastated me has been the loss of friends. When Connor passed away, I felt extremely alone. Actually, at times I still feel alone. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. He was always there for me; unconditionally. We can learn a lot from animals. I believe they are much more smarter than we think.
When one of my best friends passed away, Jennifer Juico, I was in shock for a year. After a year, I finally broke down in Cozumel, Mexico while on vacation. I had been holding it in for so long. It felt amazing to let it out but it was incredibly painful too. For the remaining portion of my trip I drank, and got pretty wasted. Shortly after, I had to deal with the anger of losing her. Her husband had shot and killed her, and then killed himself. Her son Christopher, at about age 3, found his parents covered in blood. A dear friend came to the door early morning for the routine carpool to work finding Jennifer’s son and daughter crying. She was told by Christopher that, “mommy won’t wake up and she’s all red.” Her death seemed meaningless and left everyone with no answers. I have lost a number of friends. Usually the cause of death was by suicide, car crashes, or drug overdose. Since she was like a sister to me, I took it very hard.
Now, do we let time, age, distance, significant others, and work take us away from the people that are important to us? Or, do we make the effort to stay in touch? Is it so easy to let it all slip away? We don’t know when it will all end. Can we not spare a few moments? This world has too much separation and isolation as it is. We don’t seem to want any ties to anyone anymore. It seems like the only way we can come together is through some kind of disaster or death. Why is that? Why does it take a horrible event to bring people together? Think of it, some friends and families never see each other unless someone dies. Communities become cohesive and bound when a natural disaster occurs. Where as normal circumstances may prove the opposite. Why can we not hold onto each other for the good of things? It’s really kind of interesting and really fucked up. Something to think about huh….
